G.

Love is such an incomprehensible gift. i realized love does not come easy for me, a real love, a love for a person that is so true and deep that is unselfish, uncharacterized, impenetrable, currently i have this love for only one person that i can think of, not to be offensive or crude or comparing but my soul is only detached at this point in my life with one other, and it took me 20 years to realize that love for even them. this thing, this emotion that i feel, love can't even describe literally, it is a burden in the sense that it will always bear on me, i carry it no matter the emotion i am cycling, or the position i am in, i am disregarded in my own emotions by this emotion that i can only describe as pure and eternal. this confuses my heart because i yearn to feel this for more people but i can't, not yet anyway, i hope to share this feeling with others throughout my life, my parents, the rest of my relatives, my future husband if i have one, (which would almost be reassuring cause i wouldn't be afraid to commit to him) but i can't force this Agape feeling, i need a bond a string that cannot be broken. it seems that i, you too if you feel this or ever have, cannot fully except these emotions unless the other person also loves you in the same exact way, a reassurance that i think is necessary for this kind of soul splitting bond, it needs a partner. this is so prideful and dependent but it is the cost for our impotence. we don't deserve to love each other this way, that is why it is so difficult and rare. this also makes me so grateful, thankful, ecstatic, cry with heavy stream of tears, to think about how God loves every single one of us in that indescribable heart wrenching way. there are no more words to describe how ashamed i am to be merely human to other humans, but so thankful for jesus christ.